I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
