if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
