dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
how drunk are you?
Several
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize