Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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