somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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