She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
