alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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