Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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