he was CRYING into my vagina
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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