hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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