you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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