Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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