I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
