i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
foreskin is a definite game changer
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
