OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Your dad touched me again.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
