When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
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