he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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