just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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