So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
