My underwear smells like fireworks.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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