Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize