When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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