dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
