So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize