is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just gift wrapped bread.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
