I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
