I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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