I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
