I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
