Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
this hospital has no fireball
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize