No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
