Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
