:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
