I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
