I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
