Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dick very happy bro
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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