tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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