is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
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he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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