captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
