The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
