How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
