Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
