guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
