i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
