You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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