So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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