I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
