I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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