i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
