Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
