The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I want a musical about memes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
