He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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