He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
