The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
