Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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