Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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