felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
