so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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