I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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