Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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