The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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