Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize