I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
